The Story of Lansing Lotte

It's the day after. Lansing Lotte is caught in bed, quite literally, with his pants down. I get it. I've heard the jokes. My name sounds like some medieval character who was a hero. Hell, my best friend's named Arturo King. Ring any medieval bells? But this is my story and I'm no hero. I also get the jokes. Lancelot is a play on the words lance and lot, and a lance refers to a sword, which is a euphemism for dick. What does a man do with his dick? He fucks. A lot. So if my name is Lansing Lotte, I must be "fucking lot." Get it? Fucking a lot? Which I'm not saying I don't, that's not the point. Another reference to something sexual. Get my point? Huh, I made a punny. But again this is my story, and I haven't done anything funny. In fact, I've killed three women, and only one of them I loved. Yeah, that's right? Not laughing now. It's not funny. And I'm definitely no fucking hero.