About This Book
I never should have written this book because no one is going to believe anything I say. Not after all the ways that I've twisted the truth to suit my own ends. I really should be quiet and accept my fate because at a certain point, no matter how sincere you are, people will just begin to despise you. At one time I was a writer of murder mysteries, but my father, who was on his deathbed, thought I should strive for something that would take my readers to a "better place." Wherever that is. Of course, since he was on his deathbed, I could just ignore him and all his criticisms because…because, basically, I like to ignore people who don't know what they're talking about and are just trying to aggravate me. But what really annoys me is that I never seem to have a girlfriend, while my roommate Nick always has a chick to go to bed with. I know I shouldn't use the word chick, but that's what I call women who are superhot—you know, the ones with fabulous bodies who wear tight jeans and have these gorgeous otherworldly faces. Nick's current girlfriend is Teresa, but I know that he's going to dump her because they've been together for nine months now, and none of Nick's relationships last more than a year. In my darker moments, I kind of fantasize that maybe after he boots her out of his bed, she'll come over to mine. But I admit that those are thoughts that I shouldn't have because they're certainly not, as the ladies would say, "appropriate." Nothing could have prepared me for what happened next. After Nick and I and a couple of his elitist friends came back from a bar, Nick found Teresa hanging from a chandelier in their bedroom. It was, to be honest, a very bad scene. Teresa's face was all bloated and purple and her neck was twisted and everything. It wasn't long before Nick was arrested. At first, everyone thought Teresa had committed suicide, but it turned out that she was strangled to death before she was strung up. Definitely not a good day for her. It was hard for me to imagine that Nick had murdered her until I found out that Teresa was about three months pregnant. Because Nick, in his almighty and insufferable wisdom, has always hated the thought of having a child. In one of his more carefree, off-the-cuff moments, he'd even said that half the babies born should be drowned so that the earth can survive for another century. That, as you probably know, is not a popular sentiment shared by many, and after a rather one-sided trial, Nick was convicted of murdering Teresa and sentenced to death. Here's where it begins to get really interesting. But what makes it so interesting is something that I can't reveal in a book preview like this because, in some ways, it doesn't reflect favorably on myself, and I'm already in enough trouble as it is. There are many, including myself, who have called me a despicable scoundrel, but perhaps you should read the whole story so you can judge for yourself what kind of character I really am. As an added bonus, you'll also discover the answer to two mysteries: Who murdered Teresa? And what is the real meaning of life? The real meaning of life is a tricky one that not many, if any, mystery writers have attempted to answer because it seems to be a rule violation of their rather limited league, but stuff like kowtowing to the mind-boggling commandments of modern literary fashion isn't where it's at for me. So what is the real meaning of life? It's an interesting question, isn't it? Sometimes, it takes a tragedy to discover the answer to a question like that. Luckily, I'm an expert on tragedy—in fact, because of my words and deeds, I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that I'm the king of tragedy. I'm not trying to brag, but facts are facts. The preceding was written by Patrick Devlan, the protagonist and author of The Real Meaning of Life.
