Randal Telk and the 396 Steps to Sexual Bliss

In a galaxy far, far away, the seventeenth installment of this perpetually preposterous military science fiction series continues Private Randal Telk's travails as his psychosis hits full bloom. The Galactic Foreign Legion, stationed at planet New Colorado's New Gobi Desert, goes on a manhunt to find and rescue the fair Elena, Telk's legionnaire bride, after she is taken hostage by the Fist & Claw rebel alliance. The rebels continue to evade capture, to the consternation of the battalion commander, Colonel Joey R. Czerinski, and the rest of the Legion. Meanwhile, Private Telk falls deeper into the alternate reality of his psychotic delusions involving the super-hot Yolanda and his amazing 396 Steps to Sexual Bliss, providing world-famous science-fiction writer Private Knight with more fantasy fodder for his books. Time traveler and tank commander Captain Patton gives some sage advice about adapting and surviving, and Telk does his best to take it to heart as he tries to stay focused on finding his wife. However, it is an old Legion foe who provides the last bit of help Telk needs to push forward and rescue Elena. The question is, can Telk remain lucid long enough to get the job done before the terrorists kill Elena?America's Galactic Foreign Legion has really gone off the reservation this time as the way-out wackiness continues to get even weirder.