Harry Ballsack And The Quid Witch Caper

The last time I was in a coma my BFF read me every single Potter book, hoping they would give me the will to live. They didn’t, but I woke up anyway. Still delirious from the dragon bites, I demanded paper and wrote down Harry’s story as best as I could recall. I lit that one on fire.

Then I tried again… writing from right to left, upside down, and backwards. That version sucked ass, so I wadded it up and shot it out of a cannon.

The third time I wrote it in Latin, then scanned it in and ran it through Babblefish. That one wasn’t too bad, so I sent it to Penguin with a ransom note.

Against all odds, the fourth time was the charm! I typed that one into a dusty laptop in Comic Sans while guzzling whiskey.

And thus the story you have before you came to be….