eBook
About This Book
Get away from the city, they said.
You'll love it in the country, they promised.
You inherited a frikkin' mansion, whatcha got to lose?
Yeah, well, that's the last time I listen to those boobs!
It wasn't bad enough that my Pepto-Bismal-pink VW van went missing. But now, Ernesto the Parrot keeps making obscene comments about my butt, Wendy, the one-eyed cat is having a mid-life crisis, and Festus, the dancing donkey has gone on an all vegan diet. Oh, and let me not forget that my dearly-departed Auntie Dot is not-so dearly-departed and she's trying to fix me up with a dead guy.
I swear, the next time somebody leaves me a house… I'm not moving in, I'm just droppin' it on one of my relatives.
See ya' in Asscrack. Anything's better than this crap.
You'll love it in the country, they promised.
You inherited a frikkin' mansion, whatcha got to lose?
Yeah, well, that's the last time I listen to those boobs!
It wasn't bad enough that my Pepto-Bismal-pink VW van went missing. But now, Ernesto the Parrot keeps making obscene comments about my butt, Wendy, the one-eyed cat is having a mid-life crisis, and Festus, the dancing donkey has gone on an all vegan diet. Oh, and let me not forget that my dearly-departed Auntie Dot is not-so dearly-departed and she's trying to fix me up with a dead guy.
I swear, the next time somebody leaves me a house… I'm not moving in, I'm just droppin' it on one of my relatives.
See ya' in Asscrack. Anything's better than this crap.
