Death of an Unsigned Band

A hilarious fly-on-the-wall trip around the outskirts of the music industry, with a valuable lesson: unsigned bands never become signed bands—they have to die first

You're an unsigned band. You're a fuckin' deeply unsigned band. You look like an unsigned band. You sound like an unsigned band. You think like an unsigned band. You talk like an unsigned band. Why on God's green earth would any record company want an unsigned band on its roster? It ain't gonna happen, pal.

Being an unsigned band isn't a situation—it's a mental illness, and few people realize they're suffering from this affliction. Russell Groom knows, and he wants to change things fast—but he doesn't fit the traditional rock-star mold. He is "alcohol intolerant," says no to drugs, and is starting to have murderous thoughts toward Jake, his vacuous, and perpetually at-odds-with-reality front man. His woefully unexceptional band is headed nowhere, inhabiting a world of cramped and sweaty rehearsal rooms, crap day jobs, empty gigs, and interminable trips to play dodgy festival slots. Enter Josh—the enigmatic and blithely arrogant son of a successful record producer—with an offer that's impossible to refuse.