Born to Lose

I've heard many times that there are defining moments in one's life that can change the course of their future. As I look back I can think of two such moments in my life that would have made a difference. The first defining moment was when I was ten years old. I was at the beach with my family and as I walked out into the water I fell into a hole and went under. Each time I came up a wave pushed me back under. After being submerged several times I was about to give up when a young man grabbed me and took me ashore. He saved my life, but if I had drowned that day, as an innocent Catholic boy who believed in God, I would have gone to heaven. The second defining moment was when I fell in love. It was the first and only time I ever felt love for another human being, other than my son, and I often wonder if my love hadn't been denied could I have lived a normal life with a wife and family. I came to the conclusion later in life that those two defining moments were exactly that, but in reverse. I had to be saved from drowning, and my love had to be denied so I could continue on with the life that was planned out for me, be it God's will or just providence.